🧠 Let's be canndid about mental health
I'll tell you why I'm doing what I'm doing
As I navigate the waters of alternative medicine - with my specific focus on safe and easy access to cannabis, but with a keen eye on other compounds that might represent the next phase of human health and wellness - I’ll often ask myself what the hell I’m doing.
Like…why? Why have I gravitated to this place? Why do I find fulfillment and satisfaction in talking publicly (sometimes maybe too publicly) about my experiences?
It dawned on me last night, after a cold plunge, that I’m really only trying to solve my own problems. And I don’t think my problems are unique - so if I solve some of them, and I share my experiences, maybe other people will resonate with that and start feeling happier or calmer or more fulfilled.
🧐 What are we all looking for?
First off, what exactly am I trying to solve with alternative medicine?
I, for one, have a history of depression and anxiety. I had some dark depressive episodes in my early 20s, probably stemming from family history, a sense of entitlement that wasn’t quite matched by my immediate accomplishments as a professional, a general rudderlessness in my life, drinking too much, etc. The kind of twenties angst that privileged white men often feel. Hard to admit that, but that’s the truth.
My doctor put me on Paxil. I gained 25 pounds in a few months, drank even more to regulate my moods, and flirted with suicidal thoughts. I, um, didn’t like Paxil.
I weened off of it, then transitioned to Wellbutrin. I lost the weight, stopped drinking to excess, and felt amazing. Since that tough bout, my depression has been manageable, save for some seasonal weirdness I get every year (which is lighter and lighter as I age). I am still on Wellbutrin, and to be honest, I’m scared to come off of it.
As my depression waned to nearly zero, my anxiety has taken center stage. I have repetitive thoughts; I worry about my kids; I worry about my career; I worry about the state of the world.
I’m not unique in my anxiety, either - 40 million American adults experience similar thought patterns. 🥳
I have been on benzos, which were super fun, but also addictive. They made me calm, but a little weird and zoned out. I decided, with my doctor, that they weren’t for me.
So, where to look next? And, ultimately, what was my goal in medicating and seeking help?
For me - and, I imagine, for a lot of others - the name of the game is a calm, happy approach to life. That’s it. A sense of presence and wonder during every moment. Sounds great, but insanely difficult to initiate and maintain.
But it’s important to try. We get a relatively short period on this earth, and judging by the photo that NASA just published from the Webb Telescope, we are astronomically lucky to be taking part in consciousness.
I think, ultimately, that is what alternative medicines are about. Through self-exploration or recreational moments or medicinal regiments - we’re all just looking for a happy, calm existence.
(*Note: I don’t intend calmness to mean stillness, necessarily - sometimes it’s fun to be frenetic and creative. I suppose I mean a stable mental state. Felt worth clarifying)
How can we use alternative medicines?
1. To get high 🌱
There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting high. We are hardwired to seek out altered states of consciousness, and sometimes a little chemical kick is just what the cosmic doctor ordered.
Cannabis is the undisputed champ, for me, at taking the edge off. I look forward to a little puff or chomp and the ensuing lightness and presence and laughter. My anxiety is alleviated, and I feel happy.
There are still puritanical undertones to everything we do in the US that make it weird to say “I like getting high.” But coffee drinkers are getting high. Your friends drinking wine are getting high. It’s all an altered state - choose the one you prefer. And if you don’t like or need an altered state - good for you! No judgment there either.
2. To learn about ourselves 🍄
Psychedelics - and, for me, especially psilocybin - are here to teach us about ourselves. The senses of oneness and wonder that are gifted to us during a trip are there to educate us.
If your mind is open to learning - these chemicals will teach you.
3. To repair our bodies 🌱 🧊
Alternative medicines are not limited to ingesting chemicals - I had a cool experience with a cold plunge, and I wrote about it on LI:
4. To repair our brains ❤️🩹
Here’s the area of alt medicine that I’m most excited with: psilocybin, LSD, DMT, ketamine, and other chemicals have the potential to fundamentally change the way our brains work. They can “undo” harmful thinking patterns by influencing our neurological pathways, and allow us to let old trauma float away.
Not just a band-aid, not just some relief - but fundamental healing and repair. That’s exciting.
So, that’s why I’m doing what I’m doing. If we talk about them enough, and if we normalize them, alternative medicines may be able to bring some serenity to all of us.
📚 tl;dr Mental health is a struggle for most of us, and alternative medicines have potential to help us live successfully
My goal is a happy, calm mind
Cannabis helps me with anxiety and depression
Psilocybin and other psychedelics help me learn about myself
Cold plunging (and cannabis) help to repair my body
Psilocybin, LSD, DMT, and ketamine all have some potential to fundamentally repair our brains…and while I haven’t tried half that list, I’m excited to delve deeper
It is Thursday